Goodbye (poem)

I’m saying goodbye to the past

And the pain that it holds.

I’m letting go of the heaviness

That once pulled at my soul.

For once I’m saying no more,

I’m saying enough is enough,

And I’m moving on.

Finally…

I have been waiting for this day

For so long.

I’m free from the spiritual chains

That once held me in darkness.

My mind can finally think,

And I can finally breath.

After the dark clouds cleared the sky,

The sun shines in my life.

No more tears like an angry storm.

No more fear of feeling alone.

No.

It’s all over now.

My journey is settling down.

My love and patience was tested,

But I was never defeated

Because my strength overpowered

the wicked.

Yes!

I finally made it.

Now that I said goodbye to the old

The new and the good have room to grow.


This poem comes from a place of experience. I understand what it’s like to be lost and hopeless about life.

When I realized my marriage wasn’t going to get any better, and the weight was on my shoulders, it hurt. I drifted into a deep sadness, but from the outside I kept moving forward with the weight on my back.

Then I left him. I took on single motherhood, and it wasn’t easy in the beginning. The drama and high emotions during my seperation made things harder. My self-esteem plummeted, but I kept going.

The day I stood in front of the judge to confirm my decision, I shook like a little chihuahua (haha) because it was a life changing moment.

Today, I feel good inside. Everyday I am growing, learning, making friends, and living life. Because of how I feel, my surroundings are changing. My freelance business is growing, my circle of friends is changing for the better, and life with my babies is the best.

So say goodbye to the old and hello to the new.

Like I told my personal trainer when he said that ‘we’re going to get the old Christie back’, I told him “no, I’m ggoing to be a new and better Christie”. And so it is…I am doing just that.

Get a Second Job?

Last year I went apartment shopping. I narrowed the search down to two complexes, both between $1100-$1300 for a 2/2. This was going to be my first apartment that I got on my own. I got married young, so I went from being home to being married.

When it came down to the application details, fees, etc, it turned out that I fell $300 short from the ”three times the rent” requirement. Bummer. I was disappointed, especially because I could afford the rent anyway, I just couldn’t get past the application approval. At one of the apartments, the leasing agent told me to get a second job so I could get approved, and then quit the job afterwards. As “tempting” as that sounded, I said no.

Unfortunately, or fortunately, I’m not sure which it is, I don’t make enough to get past the application for a regular apartment, but I can afford the rent, and I make too much for low income apartments.

So where does that leave me? Back home with my family, sharing rental expenses. My family is supportive, and I know that without them I wouldn’t be as far as I am now. When it comes to my family, we always have each other’s back.

I have my family to help, but where does this leave other single moms/parents that don’t have this kind of support? It isn’t right that someone like me who makes enough for a good apartment can’t get it because of the “three times the rent” application requirement. I also should not have to get another job when I don’t need to. But, this doesn’t mean that other single parents have a choice. They are forced into more than one job because of things like this, and it’s wrong.

A single parent should be able to get a place without these requirements that put us in limbo, or force us into a more difficult situation.

So what should we do? How do we fix this?

What has your experiences been trying to survive single Motherhood?

I Take Advantage of Free Online Education

Since I am unable to return to school to finish my bachelor’s, I take advantage of free online resources that offer career advancement courses.

The public library in my area offers free online courses to those who have a library card. I have taken advantage of this. I recently completed an excel course to refresh my current skills and add additional skills, which benefit me in my current job.

I go by my maiden name Ceballos for my writing, but my name on paper is Rosario.

Next month I will start one of two accounting courses that also fall in line with my skills, experience, and education. There are so many classes that they offer, and it’s all free. Check your local libraries website or talk to a librarian to point you in the right direction.

The other resource that I take advantage of is Khan Academy. This online educational resource is not just for kids, but for adults too. I use this website as a homeschooling tool as well. At the moment, I am going over a few accounting methods that will also benefit my career growth.

I am a huge advocate of lifelong learning because it keeps your mind sharp and your skills up-to-date. I’m an even bigger advocate for free resources and I am one who is always looking for them. My mom took advantage of a women’s education program in Fort Worth a few years ago. The program helps women that were abused, struggling, or dealing with unfortunate circumstances. They provided them with career skills such as computer training, and are awarded a certificate of completion that can be used on their resume.

The resources are out there. I’m really good at using Google to find things. If you are someone who needs a little help finding places in your local area, please do not hesitate to reach out to me, and I will do my best to research a few places for you.

Single Mom Dating…More Wine, Please.

I’m just going to take a couple of gulps of this red Sangria before I discuss this topic.

Alright, let’s discuss.

I’m not new to the whole online dating approach, after all I did meet my ex on Myspace. However, the swipe right and left onling dating approach is overwhelming to say the least. I would much prefer the old fashioned way of dating over online dating any day, or the not-so-complicated online dating, like Myspace (joking).

To sum this new way of dating in one word:

FRUSTRATING

Not to mention, being a single parent makes dating life harder. My kids, career, and hobbies are my priority and take a lot of my time. When I do decide to go back out there, I find that many people don’t appreciate your time, want to lead you on, and get in your pants; or you meet the stalker type individuals that make you feel like you’re about to get buried six feet under if you dont get away asap. Phew. I dodged a couple of those.

Since my divorce, I haven’t dated much. I try, and fail. I try again, and fail again. So, I kind of go with flow and see what happens. I don’t have high expectations of meeting prince charming like from the Disney movies (Ladies, those are fairy tales. I know the truth hurts sometimes). I have occasional conversations online that lead to nowhere land, and that’s ok. Sometimes small online chat is fine too.

Besides, I have two little hearts to protect as well, and I learned the hard way when I introduced them to a couple of those I thought were going to be something real (will discuss this as a seperate subject. Stay tuned). So when I date someone, there are a few things that I look for such as their upbringing, life goals, current place in life, and if they are a parent I want to know how involved he is with his kids, which is important to me. Ladies, if he isn’t involved with his own children, he will not treat you any better.

Anyway, being single is not a bad thing either. I took some time to reflect, heal, and understand myself. My confidence and self-esteem skyrocketed since I went through my time of healing. I’m more in tune and aware when I do attempt to date, and I’m also fine when I don’t.

Getting to this point in my life took time, and this is something that everyone should do after a divorce. Healing is so important. When you’re in pain and you try dating, you will find that your choices lead to more heartbreak, confusion, and impatience.

Think of it this way, when you have a job, but you’re interested in something better, you look with confidence because you have something to fall back on. When you are jobless and looking for a job, you look with desperation and it shows when you interview. When you’re confident in yourself, and you know what you want you date with confidence and you won’t settle for anything less than what you deserve. But if you date while you’re still hurting you will date with desperation because you have a void to fill and you seek healing from an outside source rather than from yourself. You risk settling and further disappointment. I know because I have done this, and it doesn’t feel good.

Healing your heart and mind leads to confidence and a strong self-esteem. This will pay off for you in so many ways. You will see a difference in other areas of your life, not just in dating but how you dress, how you talk with people, your productivity, and outlook in life. You become more inspired and eager about the future because you no longer rely on someone else to make you happy.

And this me now:

A HAPPY CONFIDENT WOMAN WITH GOALS, ASPIRATIONS, AND SELF-LOVE.

If someone happens to walk into my life and they end up being wonderful, I’m all for it.

Until then, I’m simply enjoying life, growing, loving, learning, teaching, occassionally swiping left and right, and LIVING.

What about you?

Let’s Be Civil

The drama is high when a divorce is in process. I admit, I surprised my ex husband with the divorce, but he also knew that we were falling apart.

We hated each other during our separation. There were heated arguments, tears, resentment, mixed emotions, confusion, you name it we had it. Two years went by before we realized and understood enough was enough. We had our children watching and it needed to end for them, and for ourselves. They also struggled with the fact that he wasn’t around because of his military career. Needless to say, we both agreed that we needed to be civil and follow through with our divorce with little to no drama.

I kept our conversations short as well to prevent unnecessary topics from coming up. It wasn’t always easy, but it definitely got easier for the both of us with time. Sometimes we have our disagreements, but it’s rare now.

We both buried the hatchet on the past so we could move on with our lives, and focus on our kids. It has been great, not perfect but definitely a lot better than some of the ex couples that I hear about.

I’m one who is able to put aside my differences with an individual in order to keep peace, and it has worked with our co parenting. Both of us have learned and grown up from this experience. And I have to say that receiving a sincere apology from him a few weeks back completely sealed the hole in my heart. It’s not often that people receive sincere apologies for everything they have put you through. I’m definitely grateful for that.

Our divorce finalized last year November, and I’m proud of how far we have both come from everything we went through as husband and wife, and as ex’s. I truly believe that putting our children’s needs before our own emotional issues we had with one another, made a difference. Again, it’s not perfect, but our civility is near perfect compared to others.

We will likely not attend each other’s next wedding, as he already told me it would be a “hell no”, but we would both be happy for each other. I still told him to send me an invitation anyway. Our issues are squashed, so why not?

Bottom line, most divorces drag out badly because of the pain we carry from not having closure. We use this pain to continue stabbing each other in the heart, to anger each other, to get an argument started, and to cause more pain because of how much pain is within ourselves. It hurts not only emotionally, but physically too.

For a long time I didn’t have closure, but after a while I had to let it go so I could find my peace and happiness. Nothing mattered to me. I didn’t care who he dated. I didn’t care what he had to say after a while. Nothing mattered as far as him and I went. What mattered was our children and making a good plan that would work for our co parenting. As an ex wife, I don’t play games by using our children against him. I want him to be a part of our children’s life, and I leave that decision up to him.

Setting our differences aside helped make our divorce process fast and easy. We communicated openly about everything in our documents and filed together. We didn’t have lawyers either. I self filed our divorce because of how well we worked together to ge it done. I credit waiting the two years for all of the emotions to settle before I filed.

Plus, when you’re over it all, there’s nothing left to argue about when it comes to your past with each other. If you still find yourself attacking each other, then the healing and moving on hasn’t truly started. You can’t be civil until you truly heal and let it go.

I’d love to hear from others positive and negative experiences. I think sharing our stories can help others get through the process in a healthier way. Sometimes we need to see how others handled their situation so they can go about things differently. Maybe, some are still stuck in a difficult emotional state of mind and need some encouragement to get out of that. Let’s talk. Comment below.

Surviving Single Motherhood

According to 2018 U.S. Census Bureau, 80% of single parent homes are headed by single moms.

So, here’s to us single moms trying everything we can to raise strong, intelligent, wonderful children. It’s not easy and sometimes we can feel alone in our journey, but just know you’re not.

(Note: I understand there are single fathers out there too, but I can only speak from a woman’s perspective. However, I commend all single fathers that step up and do the right thing.)

So, how did I become a single mom? Well, I divorced my ex husband. I won’t go into too many details, but I had to decide whether fixing our broken marriage was worth my health and patience over being the best mother I could be to my children. When one person is trying to fix everything, it takes a toll on EVERYTHING else.

Ever since my separation in 2016, quality of life significantly improved for me and my kids. There were things I had to sacrifice, such as my degree, but it was worth it. I went from being a stay at home mom for a little over five years, to a single working mom, in addition to homeschooling my children.

Things were a bit messy at first because of the high emotions. After a while, everything started to smooth itself out and my ex husband and I began to act civil with one another. Our divorce was smooth sailing after the emotions dwindled. We got it together for our children, one thing we both agreed on was more important than our anger towards each other.

I’d say the biggest mistake I made post separation and divorce was jumping into the dating world quickly. I got married at 23 years old. I didn’t know how to date anymore, and I also didn’t know how much had changed since I got married. I was certainly in for a surprise. I wasn’t emotionally ready for the dating world, my self-esteem was shot, and I had no clue what I wanted in a man. My choice in men proved that I was going to make the same mistake if I didn’t back away and fix me first. So, I did.

I’m a work-in-progress. Every day has been an opportunity to improve my career, myself as a person, as a mom, etc. I focus on skill building to give me more opportunities in my career. I’m always learning and taking advantage of free resources. Homeschooling my children is also rewarding for all of us. I spend a couple of hours every day after work with my kids learning, talking, and doing fun things. They spend the day with their grandma while I’m at work. The support I receive from my family has been a blessing.

I also picked up on a hobby that I kind of forgotten about for a while after getting married. I started writing again during the dark times of my marriage, and continued. Eventually I self-published a short fiction novel, and I have a couple of more books I’m working on simultaneously. I also blog my poetry, short stories, and experiences with my writing on another blog of mine.

As for my dating life, I’ve become more in tune with who I am as a woman, what I want, and the type of behavior I will not accept. I will go into more details about dating life on another blog post.

Until then, I am excited to share my story, experiences, and advice for my readers. This is all new for me and I hope that I can encourage anyone who reads my new blog to live life and prosper.

I can’t wait to see where this all goes while I’m surviving single Motherhood.