I’m Not Me

At least not the me I was in 2016. Every year that passes since my seperation, and later my divorce, things change for the better. I improve emotionally by learning something about myself and my experiences.

I look back at some of my past blog post and realize that I have been healing and growing. One of the major things that helped me was accepting the fact that I wasn’t ok. I was hurting. I felt guilt and regret. I wasn’t sure about the decisions I made. I was angry. I felt like a failure, and I didn’t see a bright future.

I was struggling, but I acknowledged it, and I knew that I HAD to heal. I took a break from dating, and focused a lot on my thoughts, dreams, and habits. One of the habits I started noticing was that I’d eat healthy and workout, but then sabotage myself by over indulging on junk food. This was not me. I mean, I studied holistic health and nutrition, AND I got certified as a personal trainer in 2015! What was I doing, and why? It was all in my head, and I’m still working on some of the left over pieces (think of the stubborn pieces of the wallpaper that just won’t come off), and it will take time, but I’m working on it.

On a positive side, I’ve learned my boundaries when I date. After I improved my state of mind, I met someone. It lasted five months, and I am sad it didn’t work, but I’m also proud of myself that I didn’t accept poor treatment. I learned what my boundaries are, and I won’t allow anyone to cross them. I know what I deserve and I know what I want. With this said, I’ve learned to date better. I just came out of this relationship, so I’m giving myself time to get over that. When I’m ready to date, I will be smarter about it. I heard a Youtuber put it perfectly, dating is about collecting data. Get to know a person well; their character; their upbringing, their beliefs; the relationships they have; their mental health; how they manage emotions, and their respect levels. These are so important to know before getting physical (unless that is what you want, then go for it). For me, though, I get attached, and getting physical only makes me think about a possible future before I even know if that person aligns with me emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. This is the question I will ask myself from now on, “do I want this a sexually led relationship or a partnership led relationship?” Collecting the data will allow me the time to decide if I feel the individual is right for me and will make a great life partner. In my opinion, when it’s sexually led (meaning, get physical first and talk later), your mind becomes skewed and red flags can easily get missed. Lust is a sneaky one.

Another positive that I have is my career and education. I’m working on my bachelor’s degree, and my career goals. One of the most important things I’m learning is to show what your talent is. Think of sports, no one pays attention to the athlete that does just enough to get by. No. People pay attention to the one that shines, that show’s their talents and their ability to carry the team to success. So for me, and you, we need to show our talents to succeed. A lot of us that have not been mentored, or grew up as a doer, really don’t understand that doing is not the same as showing. With this said, I’m developing my skills with a nanodegree in Business Analytics, and making myself more marketable by finishing my bachelor’s. However, it is what I reveal in my work that will really prove myself, and allow me to prosper. This doesn’t have to just be about your career in the workforce, it can be your hobbies that you would like to be successful with. You can’t show for something if you don’t work on it everyday. “Even if it’s one sentence a day” – something that I tell my fellow aspiring author friends.

I’m not the same me I was in 2016. I’m better, and I’m growing. I have goals for myself and my children. I want a better life for them, and I want them to see my perseverance and dedication in a difficult time.

I will continue to share updates as much as possible, so be patient with me as I continue to transition. I may not post a lot, but when I do post, I promise it will be honest.

What is very important here is to understand that your mind plays a large, very large, role in how your life is and how it will turn out. We have to learn how to build a healthy mind because it affects everything, including your health, relationships, and career.

I Take Advantage of Free Online Education

Since I am unable to return to school to finish my bachelor’s, I take advantage of free online resources that offer career advancement courses.

The public library in my area offers free online courses to those who have a library card. I have taken advantage of this. I recently completed an excel course to refresh my current skills and add additional skills, which benefit me in my current job.

I go by my maiden name Ceballos for my writing, but my name on paper is Rosario.

Next month I will start one of two accounting courses that also fall in line with my skills, experience, and education. There are so many classes that they offer, and it’s all free. Check your local libraries website or talk to a librarian to point you in the right direction.

The other resource that I take advantage of is Khan Academy. This online educational resource is not just for kids, but for adults too. I use this website as a homeschooling tool as well. At the moment, I am going over a few accounting methods that will also benefit my career growth.

I am a huge advocate of lifelong learning because it keeps your mind sharp and your skills up-to-date. I’m an even bigger advocate for free resources and I am one who is always looking for them. My mom took advantage of a women’s education program in Fort Worth a few years ago. The program helps women that were abused, struggling, or dealing with unfortunate circumstances. They provided them with career skills such as computer training, and are awarded a certificate of completion that can be used on their resume.

The resources are out there. I’m really good at using Google to find things. If you are someone who needs a little help finding places in your local area, please do not hesitate to reach out to me, and I will do my best to research a few places for you.