Getting Back into Shape

The usual is that you get into shape after a divorce or major break up, right? In my case, no.

I was in tip top shape when I was married. I worked out 6 days a week, 2 hours a day. I didn’t do the typical cardio and yoga. I pushed iron, cycled, and rowed. I became a certified personal trainer through ISSA. In addition to that, I went to school for holistic nutrition at Southwest Institute of Healing Arts, and took an additional class for plant based sports nutrition at Matthew Kenney Culinary. This obviously had its benefits because of the knowledge that I gained. However, pushing myself in the gym was to mask the high stress I was going through.

Needless to say, I gained weight after I found my happiness post divorce. I gained 20 pounds since then, but I was also super small, so I didn’t get out of hand. But I’d like to get back into shape for many reasons, but mainly for the sake of staying physically and mentally healthy.

Staying healthy is more than just looking healthy, it’s also about feeling mentally healthy too.

I wasn’t mentally healthy during my marriage because I was overwhelmingly stressed, but I also wanted to look physically appealing for my ex husband. I was THAT wife who stayed in shape post partum for my ex. NOT OK!

Working out and eating right starts with your mind, and that’s where I’m at now. I stopped working out and eating right post seperation and then divorce because I no longer had a reason to do it, but that’s not right to think this way.

I still had a reason to do right, and that reason is me. Taking care of my body for the sake of my health is crucial to living the best life. There is a long list of health benefits of working out and eating right. I still benefit from the time I was extremely healthy, but my bad habits are starting to catch up; weight gain and acne.

Keep this in mind:

DO NOT stay in shape for someone else other than yourself.

DO NOT start getting into shape post break up for the revenge body because once you get your revenge, you no longer have a purpose, you risk falling back into old habits.

DO stay in shape for yourself for the health benefits: mental clarity, getting in control of health issues, clear skin, hair regrowth, etc.

Do get into shape for the purpose of your own longevity.

The benefits of eating right and staying active is incredible when it’s for all the right reasons. Obviously, you don’t have to hit the gym the way I used to, I wouldn’t.

Remember, this starts with your mind. Get the mindset right and you will be unstoppable. Let’s do this together!

Meltdown Days

I have them, and more so this week.

My kids have transitioned into public school from homeschooling. It wasn’t an easy decision, but it had to happen. Their first day of school started last week Thursday.

My daughter is adapting well, but my son is not. He has been having total meltdowns. Showering and bedtime has now become nightmares.

On our way to school today, my son cried and screamed, and made me miss my turn. I had to pull over because I was about to lose it.

I try to start our mornings with tickles and laughter, but when it’s time to get ready, my son starts his tantrums.

I know I’m not the only mom that is going through this, or has gone through this. Being a parent is hard, being a single parent is harder.

Today is going to be my meltdown day after my kids are sleeping and everything is done, I’m going to jump in the shower and cry. I am going to have at it because I NEED it. Life is stressful, and I have learned the hard way that suppressing negative emotions is not healthy, and that crying has its benefits of releasing stress hormones, and “studies also suggest that crying stimulates the production of endorphins, our body’s natural pain killer and “feel-good” hormones (source).”

With this said, I’m going to have my moment, and you should too if you need to cry.

Goodbye (poem)

I’m saying goodbye to the past

And the pain that it holds.

I’m letting go of the heaviness

That once pulled at my soul.

For once I’m saying no more,

I’m saying enough is enough,

And I’m moving on.

Finally…

I have been waiting for this day

For so long.

I’m free from the spiritual chains

That once held me in darkness.

My mind can finally think,

And I can finally breath.

After the dark clouds cleared the sky,

The sun shines in my life.

No more tears like an angry storm.

No more fear of feeling alone.

No.

It’s all over now.

My journey is settling down.

My love and patience was tested,

But I was never defeated

Because my strength overpowered

the wicked.

Yes!

I finally made it.

Now that I said goodbye to the old

The new and the good have room to grow.

This poem comes from a place of experience. I understand what it’s like to be lost and hopeless about life.

When I realized my marriage wasn’t going to get any better, and the weight was on my shoulders, it hurt. I drifted into a deep sadness, but from the outside I kept moving forward with the weight on my back.

Then I left him. I took on single motherhood, and it wasn’t easy in the beginning. The drama and high emotions during my seperation made things harder. My self-esteem plummeted, but I kept going.

The day I stood in front of the judge to confirm my decision, I shook like a little chihuahua (haha) because it was a life changing moment.

Today, I feel good inside. Everyday I am growing, learning, making friends, and living life. Because of how I feel, my surroundings are changing. My freelance business is growing, my circle of friends is changing for the better, and life with my babies is the best.

So say goodbye to the old and hello to the new.

Like I told my personal trainer when he said that ‘we’re going to get the old Christie back’, I told him “no, I’m ggoing to be a new and better Christie”. And so it is…I am doing just that.

Get a Second Job?

Last year I went apartment shopping. I narrowed the search down to two complexes, both between $1100-$1300 for a 2/2. This was going to be my first apartment that I got on my own. I got married young, so I went from being home to being married.

When it came down to the application details, fees, etc, it turned out that I fell $300 short from the ”three times the rent” requirement. Bummer. I was disappointed, especially because I could afford the rent anyway, I just couldn’t get past the application approval. At one of the apartments, the leasing agent told me to get a second job so I could get approved, and then quit the job afterwards. As “tempting” as that sounded, I said no.

Unfortunately, or fortunately, I’m not sure which it is, I don’t make enough to get past the application for a regular apartment, but I can afford the rent, and I make too much for low income apartments.

So where does that leave me? Back home with my family, sharing rental expenses. My family is supportive, and I know that without them I wouldn’t be as far as I am now. When it comes to my family, we always have each other’s back.

I have my family to help, but where does this leave other single moms/parents that don’t have this kind of support? It isn’t right that someone like me who makes enough for a good apartment can’t get it because of the “three times the rent” application requirement. I also should not have to get another job when I don’t need to. But, this doesn’t mean that other single parents have a choice. They are forced into more than one job because of things like this, and it’s wrong.

A single parent should be able to get a place without these requirements that put us in limbo, or force us into a more difficult situation.

So what should we do? How do we fix this?

What has your experiences been trying to survive single Motherhood?